[cknox0723]

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. But an 1880's style merger probably wouldn't fly, so we'll have to settle for signing all of their good former players. "Their", in this case, is the team that jumped 13 games ahead of us, the Kansas City Royals. Allard Baird may not take $5 million for his entire roster, but former Royal moundsmen Miguel Batista and Jeremy Affeldt might take a few million to play for our squad this year. The big name pitchers, specifically 20-game winners Barry Zito and Joel Pineiro, are way out of our league (not to mention they don't want to come here), so our best hope is to woo the second, third, and fourth-tier guys. That group also includes former Tiger Eric Munson, a left-handed journeyman who's swatted 55, 45, and 58 big flies in AAA the last three seasons. With any luck, he'll man the hot corner for us next year, and for slave wages. D'Angelo Jimenez, he of the 2006 OBP of .402, is also a possibility, though that sparkling rate was only in 169 at-bats and he's not nearly that good. He's still better than Joe Crede or Julio Lugo, though. Another former Red, Sean Casey, would make a nice platoon partner for Frank Thomas.

And perhaps we'll bring back an old friend or two, as well. Dmitri Young, Brian Buchanan, and Jon Garland would all be welcome back in one capacity or another if the price is right. That seems to be the key, though, and the common denominator to all of these deals. Every deal comes with the caveat "if the price is right." I've got half a mind to just say "Screw it", to either stop dickering around with the free agent market entirely or to really do something. Sign Brian Giles, or Ryan Klesko, or someone.

But no one worth a whit wants to come to Chicago, and I can't say I blame them. I mean, would you really want to play in baseball's version of a cuckoo's nest?